When the smack begins to flow, I really don’t care anymore

Yesterday I was sitting outside St Leonards station before heading home from work and an old man with a long-neck in hand came up to me to ask for a cigarette. Then he started talking about how he is “from the clinic” and I had no idea what he was talking about so he explained how there is a methadone clinic nearby which is run by a man who was “on the needle” for twenty-six years and was a hardcore criminal to support his habit and has since cleaned up and opened up a rehab centre! The man I was talking to, Billy, has been clean for nine months but now drinks a lot. He has a two-year-old son called Alex. It made me so…sad? I really wanted to sit there talking to him for hours but I was cold and had to head home and he was having trouble stringing sentences. Before I left he asked me if I had any change. I hope I didn’t contribute to fucking up his getting-clean process but I guess that’s his decision and not for me to meddle with. And I gave him three more cigarettes and my lighter before I left. He looked so surprised that I was willing to shake his hand. I guess ‘normal’ people mostly avoid him. It made me realise I should stop dwelling on my trivial problems.

 

Positive: I’ve written 815/2000 words for my essay.

Negative: It’s all really poorly written and has no point and the essay is now so late I don’t even know if they will accept it, so I’m really likely to fail another subject. The even worse thing is that I really enjoyed studying this unlike the other subject I failed, Political Economy, which was the bane of my existence.

 

Positive: Looks like I’ll get out of having to work again today.

Negative: Because I am sick again. My body hates me.

 

Positive: I had the funniest conversation via emails with Annie yesterday.

We need to talk, we need to talk, we need to talk

 

NO PANTS REVOLUTION

 

Yesterday was preeeeeetty rad. Annie and I went to the city where we met up with my Canadian cousin Vlado who is doing the backpacker thing across Australia. I hadn’t seen him for a little while and in that time he has managed to travel through the Gold Coast, Byron Bay and Nimbin and meet some Japanese Rastas who played Bob Marley songs on their guitars. We went to the Glebe Street Fair which was basically impossible to move through because of the crowds. There were a few interesting things but it really wasn’t very exciting. I made Vlado try Easy Way taro milk tea and once he did, he said he would never doubt me again. It is seriously like liquid cake. Soooo good. Then he went back to his hostel because he was sleep-deprived and we headed to Oxford St. I wanted to develop some photos but everything was getting ready to close by then so we went to Hyde Park instead where I read aloud from this fucking hilarious pamphlet I picked up at the Glebe Street Fair – “God’s Guide to Sex”. It’s so good I’ll be writing a separate entry here with my favourite bits from it. Let’s just say that this was one of the conclusions we drew from it…

 

Annie: So you know now what will happen the next time you pick up a joint?

Me: I’m going to have sex afterwards?

 

And they say drugs are bad for you!

 

Then we moved to another part of Hyde Park where there was a Christmas tree and lots of tourists looking really excited about it and taking awkward photos next to it. So I had to do the same… Annie and I came to the conclusion that we are incredibly offensive people and if anyone overheard our conversations, they would hate us. We have to censor a lot in everyday conversations with other people. “Yeah roll up your jeans; that’s attractive.”

 

I showed Kylar a photo of the Luhv Of My Life and he responded with “is that a man?” Bitch.

 

I think I’m getting sick again. My immune system hates me. The plan for this week is: work today; write essay before I fail History; hang out with Aleks and Anita, and also Kylar sometime; dentist and seeing Outrun on Friday; hang out with my sister on Sunday; figure out how to buy my sister a birthday present, my Girl Talk ticket and my Kings of Leon ticket, and pay back Annie for my Prodigy ticket – more shifts at work? Nooooo.

 

& finally…

 

You don’t fuck with The Fuck Whats. The Fuck Whats fuck with you.

    

Fucking with me cos I’m a teenager, with a little bit of gold and a pager

 

   

Coming straight outta Compton is the latest compilation tribute album to the “world’s most dangerous group” N.W.A….

 

I’m writing a review for The Dwarf instead of writing my essay.  

She’s in a bad mood…

My bad mood refuses to go away. I think this essay may have something to do with it. If anyone wants to write 2000 words about why Che Guevara failed in achieving a continental revolution, please, help out! I really don’t want to fail another subject…

Music journalism is not for me

The only interviews I’ve had to write so far have been for TEETH which means only Annie would tell me that the questions are shit, and she never would because Annie is the best. Now I’m writing an interview for The Dwarf & a record company and there’s pressure for the questions to be good. Aaaaah! Also, my essay is now VERY late and I still haven’t written a word, and I’ve barely done any research. Oh and I am sick and I hope I feel better by tomorrow because I don’t want to miss the Newtown Festival.

So, a list of good things to balance out the negatives: Cole Mohr‘s collarbones; peppermint tea; FBi 94.5 FM; Homo Sovieticus; Scrubs; episodes of Law & Order SVU when Dean Winters was on (Dean Winters aka Ryan O’Riley from Oz, aka the best character after Miguel Alvarez!).

My heart’s aflame, my body’s strained but god I like it

This is how my day started. But then I thought I should take my new sunnies and my new DIY haircut for a walk, so I decided to wander down to the oh-so-very interesting suburb of Bonnyrigg (by the way, cutting my hair is my favourite form of procrastination). When I’m in a good mood, I really don’t mind the suburbs so much. It’s mostly just the distance from the city/anything interesting that gets me down. The ‘burbs are boring as fuck but they can be amusing in their own way. I just need to channel Ghost World if I decide to explore. And I should never, never go for a walk in St Johns Park and the neighbouring suburbs if I’m in a bad mood. But the weather was kind of good today and I felt pretty good about everything so it was even sort of enjoyable walking around. And I got Saw and Saw III from Blockbuster so if anyone’s up for a blood-and-gore party, come over!

     

There was a lot of hanging out

 

MySpace photo! We are necklace twins.

 

Well I’m really glad that Obama is the new president of the United States. Zig and I had celebratory hugs in the middle of the city today when we heard the news. Everything automatically felt a little better then.  

 

I thought the weather was going to be really nice today so I decided I had to leave the house. The weather was actually pretty bad but it was still nice not to be in the suburbs. I met up with Zig and we went to the Museum of Contemporary Art. I miss the Jimi Hendrix room but there are some really interesting things in there at the moment. My favourite was “Leisure Lady (With Ocelots)” by Yinka Shonibare but the “Astro Black: A History of Hip Hop” video (by Soda_Jerk) was also interesting. “Leisure Lady (With Ocelots)” is absolutely amazing. I couldn’t stop staring at it. I felt as though the ocelots were running towards me. The school groups taking part in guided tours were a bit annoying because I really don’t like hearing someone’s interpretation of what the artwork is about. I’d rather not get it at all but enjoy looking at it, and then research it myself later if I want to know more. Having it forced upon me by some loud-voiced guide is frustrating. There was one adorable kid though with his school pants tucked into his Docs that made me think I really did go to the wrong high school. We didn’t have kids like that!

 

 

 

After the MCA we hung around the city a bit. I was looking for places to apply for jobs but I’m very picky. I did end up handing in a resume at some random clothing store in Market City though. And I spent the last of my money on a pair of really awesome sunnies at Dangerfield (and a badge and a magazine). We hung around Chinatown eating $1.30 cakes and imagining ninjas are about to jump from the rooftops like in those kung-fu movies that are on SBS at two in the morning.

 

Later on I met up with my sister at the University of Sydney and we walked to Newtown for Thai food; her shout. I always feel so comfortable in Newtown. Would be quite nice to live there or nearby.

 

Another good day and another mark off my essay. Should probably think about writing that sometime soon.  

Consumerism on Monday

I spent a boring and kind of sick weekend at home and missed what was perhaps an opportunity to do something big(ger) with TEETH. I hope I haven’t completely fucked that chance up. I was just feeling too sick to leave the house. I spent two days watching Scrubs, South Park and Law & Order SVU on TV all day long. Oh pay TV! Dr Cox on Scrubs is quite possibly my favourite character, ever. Of course all this time I was dying of boredom but didn’t even consider that perhaps I should write the last essay of second year; the one that was due on Friday. When I hand that in I can forget about uni for almost four months, but procrastination is just something I am too good at to stop practicing it.

 

So yesterday I had to leave the house because I’d been inside too long; I felt unusual ($3 for picking up that reference, Annie & Kylar not included). I printed out fifteen copies of my resume with the intention of handing it out around Newtown. My current place of employment won’t need me for a while, and even when they do need me, it’s only three hour shifts at $15 per hour, about once or twice a week. Oh and it’s on the other side of the city so I lose almost $10 just getting there and back! I didn’t actually give out a single resume, nor leave my zines anywhere as I’d also planned. But I did: meet up with Kylar; spend some time in Gould’s Books where I want to live (I bought “Homo Sovieticus” by Alexander Zinoviev and so far, I really like it. His writing style is brilliant); wander down King St; find a $25 fake-fur coat at Vinnie’s which I probably should have bought; hang out at that park which I always forget the name of, the one with Mighty Boosh graffiti everywhere; talk about possible ways to combat my boredom during the holidays (find a job? take up kick-boxing? start to live healthy? write a memoir? develop a drug habit?); buy a handcuff necklace from Dangerfield which I’d wanted for a while. I also really want a handcuff belt buckle but then I’d look like a scene kid and I don’t want that. Then Kylar left and I wandered down Enmore Rd where I found this amazing 80s dress I really wanted to buy, but which I was unfortunately too tall for.

 

Then to American Apparel on Oxford St where, as always, I was really excited about everything but didn’t actually find anything I wanted to buy, except tights which are overpriced like a motherbitch. One of the dudes working asked about my Jim Morrison bag because his mum always talks about The Doors! I wrote down Annie’s site for him. Then I spent more money but not on clothing and shoes, as planned. I seriously couldn’t find any shoes I liked that didn’t have a heel so big I’d be a giant and/or break some bones wearing them. There was even less clothing I liked. Instead, I bought A Clockwork Orange on DVD (I recently read the book and it’s pretty much one of my favourites now) and Badmotorfinger by Soundgarden (not really that good but it’s worth it for “Jesus Christ Pose” and Chris Cornell before Audioslave. I was going to buy something by Bloc Party but then decided on Straylight Run instead, then when I couldn’t find any of their CDs somehow decided on Soundgarden) and taro milk tea from Easy Way which is like liquid cake. Soooo very good.

 

I caught the train home with my sister and we joked about being embarrassed to be seen with each other.

I’m unclean, a libertine

This blog comes to you from St Johnz Park.

 

This blog will combine my Livejournal with every public blog I’ve ever tried to write. That means it’ll be more personal than the previous blogs but more censored than my Livejournal. So if you’re not interested in my life, you may not want to read, or if you’re interested in the gory details, you won’t find them here. It’ll be a recount of my days because I’m really paranoid that I’ll get amnesia one day but I don’t want to keep a private journal because this way I feel like I’m talking to people and if I’m not talking, I go a little crazy. It will also be a tool of propaganda for everything I like. I have been keeping online journals since I was about thirteen but have really only started to get into public blogs recently and thought I should try writing one myself. That’s about it really…

 

If you have no idea why you’re reading this or who I am, my name is Ivana Stab. I was born 11^th February 1989 in Former Yugoslavia. I have been living in Sydney since June 1998. I speak Serbian but not all that well these days, unfortunately. I kind of wish I was Russian but I am prone to bouts of Serbian nationalism especially during Politics tutorials. I study Arts at UNSW, make zines, am really good at procrastination and my favourite band is probably The Doors. I like sleeping in and talking. Coffee is also good.

 

So leave a comment or send love letters to ivanaforpresident@hotmail.com because I’m really only doing this for the fame, money and bitches that will be the inevitable result of unclean, a libertine*, the blog!

 

 

* From the Placebo song “Without You, I’m Nothing”